fear

ME

If I was j.u.s.t myself,

I would probably go off

the DEEP end, bounce in from

right field

to a grounder hit poorly, that

should have been an “out”.

Who knows what virus my brain

may release on the literary world?

Taking it by storm no

vaccine or antibiotic would touch,

it mutates and changes defenses

so quickly.

Me, myself & I, we stay in a

hole deep inside

lest the slings and arrows

of OUTRAGEOUS fortune

pay an untimely visit–

every visit from them is

untimely.

So, wounded, I limp back

home, licking my wounds

in self-pity waiting for this

wave of compassionate

self-demise to end.

Who am I, anyway?  EVEN

I do not want to really

know, for fear it would be

unacceptable, even to ME.

Eroded rock formations in Badlands National Park, South Dakota.

Eroded rock formations in Badlands National Park, South Dakota.

Photography © Dennis Frates Photography  http://www.fratesphoto.com/

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Categories: awareness, courage, creative, creative writing, fear, honesty, learning, Poetry, risk, surprise, Uncategorized, visibility, writing | Leave a comment

Going for it

Wait one more minute–

that’s a minute longer

than you needed to

begin, to act, ask, tell.

No one can read your mind

like you can–well, maybe a

few gifted psychics.

001

Still, if you want someone

to know how you feel,

what you think, you best

use words–written or verbal.

I must admit, I seem to

sense a 6th sense that

kind of knows what I find

out later verbally.

Sort of an advanced notice.

But waiting slows your

process time and over-

rest or absence is just time

we could have spent

doing what we want–

even if it is fearful.

I push kids to begin writing

when they only know

maybe a few hundred words.

I also let them think of an

idea and for some it takes

longer than others.

Still, you could wait

forever & lose your

opportunity…

 

Categories: courage, creative, creative writing, fear, Poetry, possibilities, risk, time, timing, Uncategorized, writing | Leave a comment

I Can

Everything’s telling me I can’t

but I’m going to anyway.

I saw how powerful my mind

and thoughts were today,

taking away pain if I

focused on the positive–on

what I wanted.

It just took a little while

of concerted “effort” & con-

centration to build up

a momentum where I didn’t

have to do that anymore.

I was just on “auto pilot”.

When the pain occasionally

surfaced–it was constant in

the beginning–I just

did what I did continuously

to get going for a brief

moment, and I was

on the road again–pain

free.

It wasn’t my body–

that was just the result

of my “negative”, weak

thinking that manifested

in the habit of pain & “I

can’t do it”.  It was just easier

to give up when the going

got tough than push through

it with some effort in my

thinking and that pushed

my body forward.

 

Categories: awareness, courage, creative writing, fear, freedom, fresh air, fun, love, people, Poetry, risk, running, surprise, Uncategorized, vision | 5 Comments

Ups and Downs

Inside I feel all tore up.  My feelings

are no longer recognizable.

Changing, shape-shifting from hope &

optimism to the opposite, mostly dominated

by that demon fear and his cohorts.

Like a light bulb, flickering to go out.

Not shining consistently.

Not dependable for light.

Back up systems, intuition & gut

feelings are leading the way but

it’s dangerous seeming, walking,

feeling my way in the dark, so to

speak.

I can stand back & see the nonsense of

the fears but not for long & I feel

I have to go through them to leave

them.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong &

I’m doing this emotional travail

to myself needlessly, and maybe

not.

All I can,  anybody can, do is keep

going.  It gets easier when it’s hard

and visa versa.

 

 

Categories: creative writing, fear, Uncategorized | Tags: | Leave a comment

Faith

People help me when I need help.

Of course, it’s helpful to ask for it.

Not everyone will know you need

help.

Not to chase after it

but if you need something

like this writing

to calm down

then do it

and let the unsure,

scary feelings pass

out of you.

They will go.

Just because there’s a little

pressure that is new

is not a reason to

cash in all your chips

and go home.

Keep going in the

direction you’re going in.

There’s no reason to

give up making

‘conscious’ forward

progress.

 

Categories: creative writing, faith, fear, growth, learning, now, possibilities, stop, Uncategorized, walking, writing | Leave a comment

Letting Go

What’s it like to let go?

Completely?  Would you just

wander around in a daze?

Not knowing (ever!) what to do

next?

Maybe for ‘practice’ for a while,

but for everyday life?

Where would it lead you to

just follow your nose,

pick up the scent of the unknown?

Maybe for the brave & adventurous.

Maybe for me.  I’m brave &

adventurous mostly, I’d say…

Let go.

Relax.

See what all that activity you’re

feverishly whisking past your

consciousness is keeping you

from seeing, avoiding

feeling something you know

is there (we all have those) but you’re

‘afraid’ to leave time for it to

rise into awareness & be felt,

whatever it is.

Letting go from one trapeze bar

to the next requires…? are you

up for it?

 

Categories: awareness, busyness, courage, creative, creative writing, fear, growth, Poetry, possibilities, risk, spontaneous, surprise, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Living Now Being Joy

One day.  I rest.

Enough for a while.

My system needs to

reboot.

Then, I’m ready again.

Only for what I want.

I’m reminded that chasing

anything is a huge waste of

time.

And extra effort seems like

a job, more than a game–

effortless, fun, enjoyable–

anything less is not life.

Not living, or a living death.

That means patience has to

come into play & faith.

I’ve wondered about that

word, faith.  It’s so foreign

in my life, it seems.  Either

something is or it isn’t.

To hope for it does no good.

It can go at its own inclination.

And then where are you left?

But negativity & resignation

can close opportunities–

so somewhere in the

middle of those two

extremes will manifest

what I want.

 

Categories: abundance, busyness, creative, creative writing, faith, fear, flow, fun, openness, possibilities, timing, Uncategorized | Tags: | Leave a comment

Flight is Faster

Butterflies, caterpillars, moths

& crows.

What do they all have in common?

Flight and legs.

The caterpillar just has to wait a

while to realize

his potential & be like the others.

Nature either puts you on the

ground forever…

or in the air (or water).

Weightlessness is a gift.

Let go of the surly bonds of earth…

Walking or flying,

time is irrelevant

non-existent, really

on some level.

I don’t understand it

but we can use that truth

to our benefit & peace of mind.

I love mysteries.  The unusual.

I’m not afraid to look into

the dark hole of the undiscovered…

not too afraid, anyway.

Braver than most when it

comes to those things.

I’m still waiting for my

cocoon to open dropping

away the barriers around

myself for all to see, shamelessly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: awareness, courage, creative, creative writing, disclosure, fear, nature, outside, Poetry, timing, Uncategorized, visibility, writing | Leave a comment

!! 100 Birthdays !!

My friend invited me to

his mom’s 100th birthday

party!!  Relatives-very

elderly relatives

themselves–came

thousands of miles

to be in his mom’s

backyard this afternoon.

I felt so honored to be

welcomed into their

presence.

I met the most interesting

people!  I was willing to

take risks, and, as always,

was rewarded.

I’m ready, as much as I’m

capable, and at a step at a

time, to rearrange my life

to reflect my new awareness,

it seems, that is dawning or

beginning to dawn on

me.  I want to be

braver, living my

life without later regrets.

Some way, I will

be able to change

my tack, heading

off in a new direction.

I’m glad I went.

Very rich experience.

 

Categories: best buddies, courage, creative, creative writing, fear, fresh air, friends, fun, growth, happiness, love, nature, outside, people, Poetry, possibilities, risk, shy, surprise, Uncategorized, writing | Tags: | Leave a comment

Trusting

The universe, the all-that-is, is guiding my

footsteps.  It says wait, a good job will come

up.  Really?  I’m supposed to wait on you

for a life?  For a direction?  Alright.  Not much

I can do anyway at the end of the night before

bedtime.  You’ve got it, universe.  It’s in your

hands.  My faith is wavering–it’s like practicing

your best pitches left-handed when you’re

right-handed.  But my faith is underused if

even existent, as far as comforting me that

things will work out in my favor and I

need not worry!  Yeah, right.  But I let it go.

My fears, like a pack of yapping dogs

needn’t have been given any attention by me

today or any day.  Nothing comes up

disastrous as sometimes poor experiences in

the past, stick to you so tightly, you begin

to think you’re doomed to repeat your

‘bad luck’ in attracting them.  They’re

really there for your benefit.  You’re so glad you

had them when they’re through agonizing you.

But unlike the head banging on the wall feels

so good when you stop, these were ‘necessary’

or at least seemingly so.  Once you let loose of

the emotional charge connected with them, you’re

free to see & live from their beneficial side in

your life.  The universe brought them to you.  Never

in a million years would you willingly walk into

such a den of lions and say eat me, I’m fresh

meat, defenseless from inexperience in dealing

with lions so have at me.  Eat your or my

heart out.  But the universe knows when you need

such a lesson & will drop one in your lap, willingly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: abundance, courage, creative, creative writing, faith, fear, fun, growth, love, people, Poetry, possibilities, risk, sleep, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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